It was the best of times; it was the worst of times

Well, that is one of my favorite beginnings ever, so I guess it's as good a way as any to begin my blog.

I am a reserved person, someone I know equates that to self-loathing. That isn't actually true. It's not self-loathing. In fact as my friend somehow related it to religion, I have to say that I don't see that connection at all. It's personal. I own it; sadly it's mine. More psychological, I am sure, than any thing else. It's more a desire to remain at least in the margins of some group.

A discussion on a homeschool forum this week illustrates my point better than I could ever hope to do. There is some big brouhaha going on over a curriculum writer being banned from a homeschool convention for badmouthing another writer who doesn't believe in a young Earth creationist view of things. It's gotten rather nasty, and is just another case of how you can be very quickly and summarily dismissed from other people's good graces if you don't embrace, or at least remain silent in the tide of prevailing opinion. In that case, there has been a voice of reason, my regards to Jay Wile for standing in the gap and providing reason. However, the argument itself makes my case for the ill treatment of those who dare dissent, or even question.

Lest anyone cast a stone at Christianity per se, believing such thinking to be a fault of religion or of one particular religion, let me say that my experience has been no different when examining non-religious groups of people who espouse a certain view, ignoring or castigating any opposing view and denying any opposing evidence. Global warming being one example that comes to mind.

Lack of the ability to civilly and honestly discourse because of group think, self-censoring, the need to self-censor, will ultimately damage the whole every time. Particularly the lack of civility and the treatment of those with honest well-thought out questions is something that has been weighing heavy on my heart and mind for a very long time.

Certainly, on a personal level this is a heavy burden for me to carry, because my nature is to question. I have never been one to simply accept philosophies, answers, or rules that don't make sense within the framework of my own discernment. At least not without making a diligent effort to find out the context, the why, and the thought process that went into the opposing view.

Put that then with a competing desire to have friends and acceptance, and there emerges a huge internal conflict that plagues me constantly. I despise the thought of going along to get along, and I also despise the thought of being cast out, or yet a greater threat, my children being cast out because I won't go along with the crowd.

At any rate, I have been thinking for a while now of having a place to put my thoughts. There is honestly no telling right now how this blog may evolve, or if it may die an early death. Who knows. It is what it is. Perhaps later I may begin to see what it will be.